Oprah says turmeric is a superfood

but really, how much turmeric can you eat?

I work out at the gym alot. And I spend a fair amount of time between sets, standing still, trying not to stare at myself in the mirror, and more or less looking like an idiot. One thing I do to pass the time is to read the magazines lying around everywhere, but they are all... "lady-magazines," which actually isn't that bad. My favourites are More magazine (Celebrating Women Over 40) and Oprah! magazine. In fact, I like More magazine so much that I took out a subscription for Patti, and if I happen to read it from cover to cover after it arrives in the mailbox - well, that's neither here nor there...

Unsurprisingly, the VAST majority of articles in either of these magazines are by women and for women. But interestingly, the writers, editors, contributors, etc. all seem to be divorced as well! Not single mind-you, but "capital - B - divorced", and by that I mean they are divorced and they are B-itter as hell about it. Also interestingly, when describing the fact that they are divorced, and they all do - it must be cathartic or something, the writers invariably objectify their marriage as a sentient thing separated from them, rather than treating it for what it is (sorry: WAS,) more of a condition...really...you know? I'll give you an example. The lady-writers will always make references to their "failed marriage" or they say "Back in 2000, when my marriage failed..." like it's the marriage that failed, instead of them (and remotely possible too I guess - the husband.)

It's true. It's right there in the magazines. Every single one. Pick one up yourself if you don't believe me. And it's obvious to me that some, if not all of these women, are in a pretty bad place. And I think they need my perspective on the issue. I think it's time for some Steph-kindness®...so here it is...

"Ladies, your marriage didn't fail, YOU failed your marriage. I guarantee you that you are at least 50% to blame for you destroying your marriage. Probably way more. And half of that 50% becomes obvious to me just by looking at the photo of you that accompanies your article. This is your vanity shot? This is the best that you and Photoshop can do together?! As for the other half - to use your own turn of phrase, when you still had a marriage, did you ever do anything to ensure that the poor thing succeeded? Or did you watch your marriage choke itself to death on the kitchen floor right next to the two footprint-shaped depressions in front of your fridge, just so it could be free of you?"

I say this mostly because of the most recent article I read in Oprah! (I didn't read it inside of Oprah - I just read it in her magazine...) Paige Williams is a writer who, at 5'5" and 200+ pounds, hopes Bikram Yoga will turn her life around. This is how she describes her depression:

The depression that had held me down for so long now dropped me into a well. My whole body ached. My hair fell out in the shower. For three months, I had a headache every day, often so painful that I'd lie with a cold cloth on my forehead, just trying not to throw up. Most nights, I went to bed with a heated terry-cloth beanbag around my neck like a boa, like I was 80. If I managed to sleep, I'd reflexively grind my teeth worse than ever. (It was an old problem: Years ago, when I was married, my then-husband woke me one night and said: "Are you eating candy ?")

The husband probably got in big trouble for that candy crack.

And here's how she currently deals/dealt with her depression:

Pie. Also Big Macs. Publicly, I ate properly if at all, but nighttime triggered a junk food free-for-all. Because I ate poorly and didn't exercise, I slept badly. Because I slept badly, I woke up harried and late, so I never had time for breakfast. By noon, as I caffeinated instead of hydrated and often skipped lunch, I was already thinking about what I'd eat that night. I wasn't a snacker; I was a volume eater. Food was all I looked forward to.

And of course, the inevitable reference: After my marriage failed a few years later...

What's my point? It's this: Ladies, take responsibility for your marriage. I'm a big, bad, stinky man and I take responsiblity for mine. Can't you do at least as well as me?