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James Bond in the Real World

Which fictional movie character wouldn’t last a minute in the real world?

M: “Bond…do you know why I’ve called you in here today?”

Bond: “No?”

M: “You keep introducing yourself to the targets as your real name. I’ve taken 5 calls from foreign governments asking about you. You’re supposed to be a bloody spy. What the devil are you thinking?”

Bond: “Terribly sorry.”

M: “You’re fired.”


M: “Bond…did you just hit on Moneypenny?”

Bond: “I did.”

M: “Clean out your desk. You’re fired.”


Bond: “What are you handing me?”

Lab Tech: “It’s a blood alcohol test, mate. You agreed to random drug screenings when you signed up to work for the government, now let’s get on with it.”

(5 minutes later)

M: “Bond. Get out, you’re fired.”


M: “Bond…precisely how many casualties were there?”

Bond: “Um…I’m….”

M: “Fired.”


M: “Bond…the most recent car that Q developed was worth 15 million dollars, and contains classified hardware that would be valuable to an enemy not to mention lead them straight back here. Do you know where it is?”

Bond: “It’s….I might have…”

M: “You’re fired, Bond.”


Bond: “Who the devil are you? How did you find me?”

Villain: “I talked to that woman you were hanging out with, and she gave me all kinds of information.”

Bond: “Blast it.”

- Mike DiGirolamo

James Bond in the Real World
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